


The Dropout

by Yuushalinsky



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), 少女☆歌劇 レヴュー・スタァライト | Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight (Anime)
Genre: Complete, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, F/F, oh well, this was not a good idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2019-10-26 14:43:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17747822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yuushalinsky/pseuds/Yuushalinsky
Summary: Osaka.The name haunts me. I've long since been tormented daily by my inability to act... my inability to shine like they all do... if only I were Karen, who was bright enough to illuminate the way. Or Maya, the north star that everyone looks up to. Futaba, whose headstrong nature would have served well here. Nana’s… well, everything. Or... literally anyone else. Then I might have... no, I would have been able to save her from the pressure.In a way, I'm glad. Glad that the Revues happened, but if there are any regrets...It is that she was not Number 10. [COMPLETE]





	1. After the New Page Turns

It’s already 6:30 AM. And that means it’s time for me to rise and shine, with my best friends, Karen and Hikari! I’m not exactly a morning person, but the early bird catches the worm. And I happen to make some excellent spaghetti. Kind of in the shape of worms, right? But… as expected…

 

All I wake up to, instead, is a pair of sleepy slobs. Hikari spent too much time watching what was an adaptation of _Les Miserables_ in animated form, for sure, as she was muttering something about how Eponine deserved Marius and not Cossette. Karen had clearly also been dragged along to watch with her, given how they were sleeping upright against Karen’s bed, snuggled underneath the cozy half of Hikari’s futon. How like them to share. Well, someone had to break them out of their blissful dreams, and, thankfully, I, Mahiru Tsuyuzaki, was the right girl for the job! Steady as she goes… and… _yoisho_!

 

A very satisfying pair of shouts and stiff bangs on the floor make me a very, very happy girl as I pull out my usual smile for the two. One that says, ‘Good morning, sleepyheads!’ and ‘Why the fun diddly doo are you still asleep?’ all at the same time. Just as always, they understand and begin to… well, do something (they have a ritual, it seems, of just slowly dressing up). I’m not one to joke around, especially when it comes to the best and most important meal of the day: breakfast. And so, having already gotten into my uniform, I make my way to meet up with the people who understand my burden: Futaba and Nana.

 

These other two early risers had beaten me to the kitchen today, SHUCKS. And I wanted to make a special breakfast today. How frustrating! I wave to both of them as I get my own skillet out. It was time for a Mahiru special: Western Bacon and Hash! What a way to celebrate day two of the new year. That super rare Karen in her kimono (which I had to do for her) was too cute to pass up, or I would have made breakfast yesterday!

 

“Banana-chan, what are you making today?” The pan begins to get hot for me, while I grab some cheese and grated Jagahiru™ potatoes. I’d be remiss not to let all of you know about the glory of my hometown’s vaunted potatoes! They’re good enough to be the True, True, Kountry Ma’am. Banana just raises a mix of batter that she’s preparing - flapjacks! I slip over to get a little bit of a whiff and… of course, it’s a banana-chocolate chip mix. I can always count on Banana-chan to make something to complement my stuff.

 

And Futaba… is just inspecting to make sure that this won’t make Kaoruko fat. I giggle sheepishly and try to reassure her that this won’t be too much of Kaoruko’s intake for the day but it is clear she is having none of it. “Mouuuu, Mahiru! I told you, Kaoruko can’t have this much butter early on. You know who has to deal with it? Me.”

 

“I-I understand, Futaba-chan, b-but it’s the second day of the year and we could do something just for today?” Futaba’s eye twitched.

 

“That’s what we said last year, y’hear?  I swear, your ‘tatoes are addictive. She made me go to the market to get a CASE of Kountry Ma’am. “ That’s Futaba for you. Always looking out for her. To compromise, I pull out the cubed version and held it up to eye level for her - just a little pinch of salt and pepper, along with a light pan fry. This seemed to make her feel more at ease, though she eyed the holy hash with a rather forlorn look. Muttering something about how she ‘made this decision’, she sighs and returns up the stairs to wake up her own sleeping beauty.

 

The sound of footsteps gets my sensors tingling.

 

“Karen-chan, slow down or you’re going to-” _THUD_ “fall.” That didn’t last too long. We’ll just reset that days without accident counter to zero. But, just as Karen does, she bounces back up with the same energy and slithers over to get a sneak taste of whatever deliciousness was planned. In fact, she goes all the way up to Nana first...  The old me, honestly, would have seethed inside and pouted.

 

The old me would have shrivelled up inside. I was weak... I was the backup catcher to Karen's star pitching, and I thought I only had value as an _option_ to her. Not as her friend. As her tool. Seeing that Karen was so bright that she didn’t need me anymore. That Nana’s food was tastier. That Hikari was going to be the one childhood friend to break the trope. That somehow, I was now on the outside looking in.

 

How wrong I was. Me. Mahiru Tsuyuzaki. A Seisho Student of the 99th class in my own right, I’m better now. I know that no matter what, I can shine on my own now. And that’s why I’m going to put my all into making this hash the tastiest it can be! Well, and Kaoruko’s too. Because I can enjoy being with everyone and giving everyone my best.

 

That’s when I’m at my best.

 

And I love being at my best.

 

“Thank you all…” I whisper to myself, as I lay down the first cuts of bacon, hearing the strips sizzle and squeal. Almost as if they’re singing their own ballad, just for me. And they leave behind the perfect accompaniment for the potatoes to make their grand entrance to the stage of the skillet. I giggle, off in my own world. But in a controlled way, not like that one time where Karen actually went into a daze in rehearsal.

 

By the time the first strips fall onto the paper and I get the next one rolling, the rest of my loved 99th Class is here and making things lively for all of us. Whether it be Junna-chan whose quotes never cease to amaze me with their bright view on the world, Maya-chan’s and Claudine-chan’s quarrels which only confirm how well they work together, and certainly Kaoruko’s complaints that it is ‘too early to be awake on a holiday’, my heart is filled knowing that these eight girls are all my friends.

 

_It could have been nine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the weird, wild world of crossovers where everyone exists in the same timeline somehow. Magically. I know, it's a touch weird, but y'all will bear with me right?
> 
> This first chapter for example, was inspired by Dondon David of the Revue Starlight server where we both sort of thought up this as 'crack' and then it turned into some actual serious stuff. I don't know how, I don't know why.
> 
> I just know it's gon' be hilarious.


	2. S-Sasuga, Ego Search...

My spatula drops and I cough, causing everyone to rush over.

 

“Mahiru-chan! Are you alright?” It reassures me that Karen and Hikari did that in sync, but I can’t get that thought out of my mind. Because no matter how I slice it, that thought is right. It could have been nine friends… if only in that first year, she didn’t leave… if only in that first year, I could have stopped her from leaving… if only I was who I am now… I could surely tell her that. I can surely tell her that.

 

“Y-yes. I am quite fine.” And that is enough for most of them. If only I noticed Maya’s sharp gaze at the back of my head. I would have been able to try to assuage her too.

 

Thankfully, the rest of the morning goes without any more admittedly unwanted intrusions. My thoughts returned to getting breakfast out and we all sat around the table for the first breakfast of the year in our dorm. Though I must admit I was a little hopeful yesterday, it turned out to be a day where we just went to the convenience store and relaxed in the kotatsu. Not something I can really complain about, but… it would be a little selfish for me to think that I could get everything I wanted. At least I was able to convince the others to let me have the specials we missed from NHK on last night!

 

“Futaba-han, they’re doing it again. Be a darlin’, feed me, will you?”

 

“Oi, Kaoruko…” It seems that Futaba’s forever going to have a little bit of a eye twitch if she has to continue living with Kaoruko. And that honestly amuses me to think about. Ahh, just imagining those two going on into old age is a thought that makes me laugh just giving it a little thought. I could say that Hikari shouldn’t be feeding Karen to begin with, but to be honest, I don’t mind them taking on a few of the little things I do to spoil them anyways. 

 

Though I’ll never say it aloud, I do enjoy spoiling those two sometimes. It always makes me glad that these two let me wake them up like I always do, make lunches for them, and, honestly, be a little domestic. I was always a homebody taking care of many of my brothers and sisters and I still love doing it. The side benefit is that I always get to have good food!

 

That’s something else that’s kind of changed. I used to always think so… so negatively! I can’t do this, I won’t do that, this won’t matter. But now? Now… ehehe… I still fight the urge to say that it’s impossible or that I can’t. Something of a coward’s intuition?

 

It isn’t really all that big a deal, though. I sink into the pancakes that Banana-chan made and as expected, they are a treat to be beheld. Alongside Junna-chan’s special blend of tea, thankfully, more flavourful than her other food, it goes well with the greasy, delicious home-style food that I had prepared for everyone. I hear another bit of commotion and tilt my head towards…

 

Oh, it’s these two again. The long grudge match of the two starlets who, by the way, have so much experience between them that it would make most Broadway actors look like amateurs. It doesn’t help that both of them have almost never had to fight - I still remember seeing a little Kuro-chan on the family television set, and up until this year, Maya had never, ever lost a lead role. What were they fighting about this time…?

 

Ever since the Revues, it wasn’t really disputed who the person… ‘wearing the pants’, let’s say… was in the relationship. Also, it wasn’t really disputed that there was, indeed, a relationship. Claudine’s a lot more ‘honest’ now about that, at least, though it would help if she was more honest about being Maya’s Musumeyaku, not just in plays.

 

“My dear Mahiru,” oh, no, they’re including me, abort, abort, “we never did share anything about OUR pasts too, did we?” Back to that coward’s intuition, something tells me I should run. But against my better judgment (and owing to the fact that there is food at the table), I stay. Claudine smirks after delivering that remark, looking a little smug. “I have it on good authority that there’s actually video evidence of Tendou Maya in a talent competition at the age of five… where she actually doesn’t win.”

 

This is bad, this is bad, nuclear warfare is about to happen. “Ehehe, I-I really don’t c-c-care all that much,” I actually do, seeing that middle-school me was kind of frightening, but again, my selfish desires come after everyone here, “we d-d-don’t have to-”

 

Karen perks up about the past, “Oh, I can tell you about-”

 

Junna sighs, “Tokyo Tower, saw Starlight with Kagura-san, separated and went to Dondon, yeah, yeah, we know. By the way, it’s LON-don, not DON-don.” That sigh turned into a full on Junna disappointed look, where she takes off her glasses and pinches the arch of her nose. As Nana-chan tells me, that’s one of her favourite looks.

 

“I was just getting to that. Anyways…” As Karen continues to ignore Junna’s implication that no one needed to hear this a fifteenth time, Hikari plugs that hole up with potato. And Maya clears her throat.

 

“If we would like to relive the past, I think it’s a great day for that. Partly because I have nothing to hide unlike my girlfriend here, and partly because we are stuck in today in a blizzard.” We all look out upon Maya’s declaration.

 

That would put a damper on things.

 

Kaoruko actually frowns at this revelation, clinging onto Futaba and opening her mouth for a cube of potato. “We were going to go skating today, Futaba-han. Make the snow go away.” Which puts an exasperated face on everyone this time, not only because Kaoruko was… well, being Kaoruko, but that Futaba pointed at the teru teru bozu that was hanging from the window and that she was used to the blue-haired demon’s insane, unrealistic requests. But this gave a window for Maya to actually raise her hand… with a disc.

 

“Shall we dig into everyone’s hidden pasts?” As Maya flips the disc over to the front panel, scrawled in hiragana was “Saijou Claudine’s Audition Tapes”, which causes everyone who was done with eating to get up and move to the living room, with Nana grabbing the CD and Claudine trying to get it from her, panicked expression painted on her face. Which left only Maya and.. Me. I didn’t suspect anything at the time, but Maya certainly wanted to talk to me.

 

“How did you like the food today, Maya-chan?” I offered her a strip of bacon which she declined. Well, waste not, what not, and down the hatch it goes.

 

“It was fantastic, I appreciate you making something more nostalgic for Claudine. She has mentioned that she hasn’t been able to have quite a continental breakfast in a while.” It was rare to see her with such a content gaze. Maya then frowns, “However, I do think you are hiding something from us, Tsuyuzaki-san.”

 

A pit in my stomach forms as I try to fill it with potato. “I do-don’t know what you’re talking about,” but my hair tends to give me away when it comes to my true feelings. I had thought the rest didn’t really know… well, except for Nana-chan. She was hit equally as hard as I was when it came to the two that dropped out of Seisho Academy in our first year. It kind of was one of the ugliest cries I had ever done. But I only thought Nana knew about that!

 

“Come now… I know that you’ve been looking at the empty room sometimes. This will affect your performance so I would rather you deal with it now rather than when you are needed.” Underneath that guise of the Tendou Maya everyone knows, I can feel some true compassion and attempts at understanding from her… one of the things, I suppose, Claudine actually taught her in return.

 

I breathe in. It is kind of like me to think that I can brush this under the rug again. At least everyone else is too busy with watching Claudine’s auditions. “May I get you more to eat before we-”

 

“Let us begin.” Straight and to the point, huh? I suppose this couldn’t be put off any longer.

 

“I just… think that the me now could have saved those two. Especially Osaka-san… she looked so hurt and so pained right before she left. And I know I was really close to doing the same. I understand where she came from. She must have had someone to live up to as well.” My eyes well up, “Is it my fault… besides Karen, I was closest with her. I had known… and yet I chose not to do anything. I chose to run despite being the one who could empathize with her the best.” It is then that I notice my breath hitch and tears streaking down my face. “I’m sorry, I di-didn’t mean to-” I hiccup and cough.

 

“You are curious, then… you want to know if they are doing well?” Maya taps on her phone and holds it out to me. “Have you heard of ego-searching?” It’s a rather dubious concept… I rack my brain for a bit and shake my head. “It’s something that many actors and other stars do to check their reputation online. As an example, I have my own Encycloweb page.” Through my tear-stained eyes, I can only see that Maya has this page bookmarked, but point taken.

 

“B-But I wouldn’t be searching for me, I-”

 

“Shizuku Osaka. I think you’ll be surprised to see what shows up for her name. Though it is up to you whether you want to know the truth.” With that, she wipes the oil off her mouth and bows. “I do, again, thank you for the meal. It was delicious.”

 

It was as if she left me with a choice… wallow and do what I’ve always done, which is to run… or open up the pandora’s box of the friend that could have been.

 

I begin tapping her name into the search box.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mahiru's such a good girl, she deserves the world and more love. Also, she deserves me maxing her weiss playset that I use in my deck.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading!


	3. Idols? In School? School Idols?

It should have been obvious when my phone auto-filled the rest of her name for me, but just in case, I had to see for myself. How could she be so recognizable already? She was a dropout technically, and it must have been hard for her to get back into school at all. What in the heck was she up to?

 

The page finally loads up (I hate wifi, things were simpler at home with only one home computer) and my jaw hits the floor. This… this is incredible. Without thinking, I click into her new school’s website - Nijigasaki High School. This is kind of starting to get creepy, I don’t like stalking, but with this revelation, how could anyone stop? Information began to pour into my brain, what was this new-fangled thing? Idols? In school? SCHOOL IDOLS? Well, it might have made sense, I used to be a cheerleader, and a very good one at that, but IDOLS? Just thinking about the frilly outfits make me want to die of embarrassment.

 

Osaka-san is one of these?!? I have to show Nana. She might know what the fudge is going on. Is there anyone else who would be interested in this? Oh, lord, what have I done?

 

“Mahiru-san? Are you alright?” Junna points at my hair which is bouncing up and down in rapid fashion.

 

“Do you know what school idols are?” I blurt out without thinking and continue to scroll for more information. I miss a glint on Junna’s glasses and don’t notice as she leaves to her room and returns, dropping the book on the table.

 

“While I don’t have much interest in them myself, they are a rather new art form that I have taken the liberty to learn.” She sits down and removes a bookmark with a blue snowflake on it before opening the rather large tome to the history section on these idols who represent their schools. 

 

I can’t help but feel like Junna knows more than she wants to admit. _ µ’s _ and A-RISE as the ones who started a trend of schools over the nation having idols… then years of competition with dance and song? Sounds… sounds kind of like being on the stage, if I’m honest. But no, this is shorter, and the music tends to not have as much direction. The stories are forced into bite-size pieces...

 

“Unlike us on the stage, these girls perform songs. And they write it themselves, choreograph everything, and do this as a club, as an extracurricular with very little guidance… incredible, isn’t it?” Junna pushes her glasses up. It seems Junna-chan knows a little… too much… about this, but I ignore it for the time being.

 

“It is… you say they usually do this all on their own, huh? Could you imagine us writing our own play, Junna-chan?” I giggle and sigh, she seems to be doing alright. But it only makes my curiosity grow - what has she found that replaced what I know, her intense love for theatre? She, too, was a girl of the stage. That past tense… is that still the case or is this another stage she’s found? Either way, I have to know.

 

“Say, Junna-chan, how would I go about going to one of these… uh… rai-bus?” I hate how there’s a ton of English in everything now.

 

“A live? Well…” Junna ponders for a moment. “First, you have to get the CD medley from the past year of the participants of the national circuit - that’s usually out around June. Then you get the ballot ticket, and sign up online to… oi, oi, Mahiru, you don’t have to worry so much!” 

 

How was I going to see what this was all about if you had to get the ballots to GET the tickets in JUNE? “B-B-But there’s no way I’m going to be able to go without tickets! What am I going to do?”

 

“You realize you can do… other things, right?” Junna sighs before patting my shoulder. “Lives aren’t the only- look, just… don’t go too crazy. Speaking from experience. I’m not sure what the sudden interest is, but it’s nice to see you care about something other than Karen and Hikari. And baseball. I didn’t need to know about all 23 Perfect Games in America, however fascinating that was.” A little bit of red coated my face, but it was reassuring… in Junna-chan’s own, harsh kind of way.

 

With a little bit of clarity in mind, I return to the big group just in time to see the birth of the famed Lou’s Ointment bit that Claudine is very well known for. All the same, while I’ve obsessed over this for the past hour or so, life has moved forward without me… maybe that’s another thing I could learn from the others too.

 

But right now, I am learning that Claudine was not the easiest kid to handle.

 

“H-HEY! Where did you even get this, anyways?!?” Claudine had apparently prepared something but she was being outclassed by Maya’s over the top presentation… again.

 

As Claudine tries to steal the remote away from Nana and Maya, who seem to have gained a much better understanding of each other as of late, Junna looks at me quickly. With a swing of the hand, she swipes the remote and gets up, raising her hand in a much more formal manner than what is necessary.

 

“May I show something? I think you’ll all be interested.” Uncharacteristically, Nana-chan turns pale and looks back and forth, rising up to plead her case to Junna.

 

“C-C-Come on, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”

 

“Wait, is this something juicy about Banana-han?” Kaoruko’s wry smile becomes a cat-like smirk, bordering on evil grin. Futaba, for once, joins in on this, also interested, and soon, it cascades down to a very energetic shout from most of the room to show what this is. Even I’m swept up in all this!

 

“If it will make everyone happy…” Nana-chan sits back down, defeated as Junna goes to what appears to be a middle school festival, in their small auditorium. It seems this was…

 

“Oh. My. God. Banana-chaaaan, you’re too cuuuute in this!” Karen leaps over the coffee table, much like a face hugger, and wraps completely around a rather embarrassed, hot banana. On the screen was Daiba Nana, dressed just like one of those idols I had learned about. And as was always the case, it seemed that her love for frogs was center stage. A frog-headed microphone was complemented with an adorable little green number, adorned with lace and a long pair of silken gloves.

 

_ “Everyoooone, are you all having a good time?” _ This was too adorable. Worse for your health than Mama Tsuyuzaki’s apple pie recipe.

 

“Princess and the frog… but the princess is the frog?” Hikari puts her hand to her chin and enters full pondering mode. Junna affirms this as Hikari grabs a potato chip from the bag and chomps down on it. It’s refreshing to see Nana be the flustered one for a change in anything. I, however, can’t help but notice how earnest Nana is in all this. No matter how clumsy her effort in a genre she clearly wasn’t prepared to perform, nor her embarrassment being in this specific predicament, she was giving it her very all. And it seemed to make the crowd happy too.

 

In more ways than one, this is what a stage girl should be. Unafraid and willing to do what it takes.

 

“Did it have to be this, Junna-chan?!? I know I ate the dessert you were saving, but I thought you had said it was okay! And your loaf was CUTE! Your first effort was adorable!” Even so, Junna just pushes her glasses up and smiles softly.

 

“It did. Though it was convenient that I could get my well-crafted plans to fruition, I also had a reason for showing it.” A quick side glance to me confirmed that this incessant Nico-Nii song was meant to show me what the allure of idols was. “Why DID you choose this song, anyways?”

 

“It wasn’t my idea… the seniors picked that song, I didn’t even know that this person existed! And the only reason we did the idol stuff was because they said that someone else was doing a play that year and we didn’t want to overshadow them!” Nana buries her face in Junna’s shoulder and huffs. “This is unfair, you didn’t do anything nearly this embarrassing in school!”

 

“So it’s my fault you can’t find any dirt on me?” Junna plays with one of the banana bunches while watching the screen.

 

It does kind of make me want to see Osaka-san perform. It would be nice to know if she found her radiance again... 

 

I wonder if they ever do any performances that don’t involve luck and money, as I pull my phone out again. Guess it’s time for me to find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Banana-chan as Nico-nii. Who could have thought that one up?


	4. The Rainbow Road

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the Rainbow Road.

Oh, why did I decide this was a good idea?

 

This was my decision, but going so far out of my way to go to this school for a handshake session with idols didn’t seem like the best of ideas. And bringing Junna-chan along with me was supposed to be the thing to calm me down… but looking at her, she doesn’t seem too centered and relaxed either. “J-Junna-chan, what are… those?”

 

I noticed a couple of straps hanging out of her bag and she pulls out two weird tubes, which causes me to shriek out in fear of what they looked like. “P-Put those away, you’re going to hurt someone!” My motherly instincts were never wrong, that was a pair of blades! I knew it, idols were dange-

 

“No, no, ugh, look around, everyone’s got them…” That doesn’t calm me down, Junna! Going to a mass-murderer convention doesn’t seem like my idea of a good time! “They’re just lights, lights!” It takes her turning them on to make me understand what they are. My fear turns into curiosity and wonder. So this was what made the lights in that video with Nana-chan. And… whoa, they change colours?!? That is literally the best invention since Mama Tsuyuzaki’s fried potato recipe.

 

“Are you nervous, Tsuyu… Mahiru-san?” It was my frayed nerves, but I couldn’t really hear her use my first name for once as I was busy panicking over how big the crowd was. How was anyone supposed to meet their idols like this? “Mahiru-san, please calm down! They’re just people, it’s just a meet…”

 

“But why are there this many people? Is Osaka-san really that popular?”

 

Junna shakes her head and hands me a pamphlet. “There happens to be more than one group at this event today. I suspect Nijigasaki is taking advantage of their larger space to put their idols on the same level as the big names. There are even some alumni at this event.” As expected, the school’s own idols are front and center, though, and I can see Osaka-san clearly on this.

 

She looks like she’s shining. Even on paper, her fairy-like appearance and her beaming smile are captivating and intoxicating… reminiscent of what she was like before school started crashing down on her.

 

“Are you here for anyone in particular, Junna-chan?” Junna squeaks and turns a bright red, shaking her head. It is now that I just stare at her with the same smile that I give Karen when she makes a mess out of the kitchen. One of understanding and disappointment. “You can tell me, Junna-chan! I promise I won’t tell Banana-chan~” Seeing such a rare Junna, I find myself a little blessed today.

 

“I-if you insist… I’m here to see some graduated idols myself.” She points to a pair of purple haired… twins? They look so similar, so definitely sisters, but the height difference was obvious. Even if I knew Junna was an idol fan, their look was… a little too edgy, and I don’t think it would ever have been a ‘Junna’ thing to listen to. “Look, no one can know - back in middle school I did some research into other performance styles to see what was out there, and… well, their music is good, okay?”

 

“That sounds like something you’d say as an excuse, I think it’s admirable that you found something that you enjoy!” I smile softly as the line finally begins to move, and now the roles have reversed a little. I can see Junna start to get more and more nervous as we approach the doors. Her fists began to tense up and her walking became a little more robotic, her eyes darting to and from. She must really like this… Saint Snow group.

 

The school happened to sit below a convention center building beneath, and had gotten permission to use the space above as well as their own. Most of the activities that weren’t the larger concerts, however, used the school space. Which is thankful for me, since I actually don’t do too well with heights. “Junna-chan, I’m going to go this way to see Osaka-san. Good luck, okay?”

 

There was no way she heard me. She looked too busy plotting to notice that I had skipped off and now was wandering through the halls for a bit, trying to find the right classroom. For a public school, this was really an affluent school. 

 

The halls were not only clean, but littered with achievement after achievement. First place in fencing. Second place in archery. First place in chorus and Silver at nationals. And then a hall, filled with school idols as far as the eye can see. It was easy to tell that even without school idols, the smell of Japanese youth was strong in this school - the smell of exertion and extracurriculars. Far different from the specialized training of Seisho Academy. It also showed in just how big the school was, having taken me fifteen minutes just finding the right hallway, where a small line had already begun forming outside the theatre room. I silently thanked Osaka-san for not being too big yet - it would have been hell trying to wade my way through as many people as Junna-chan was right now.

 

“A play? Shizuku-chan’s putting on a one-woman play…” I overhear some murmurs from the line and begin to listen a little more intently.

 

“That’s our Shizuku-chan, she’s ever the actress. So talented!” That was, indeed, the case, but why a play? I thought she had...

 

“Wow, and she’s doing  _ Starlight _ !” My stomach drops and I’m immediately regretting everything. Was this a way to atone for her failures at Seisho? A selfish show to prove her worth? Maybe just a love letter to the rest of us? Oh, now I wish I didn’t come, but there are people behind me now, so I’m in a pickle! It pains me to say it but I’m probably stuck here as the line begins to move and we begin to fill the rather small black room. 

 

And immediately, I can tell that this isn’t really a ‘play’ more than it is a solo live with Starlight as its inspiration. I can’t blame them for not really knowing but this is an interesting take.

 

“Good morning, everyone!” Her voice gets everyone into a frenzy and I just sit there, confused. Do idols usually have this much power over everyone? The room became a bright blue and I felt dumb for not asking Junna-chan for one of those light things. Though, it seems, she knew me better than I knew myself, as she had sneakily put one of them into my bag. How did I change the lights on this again? How do I turn this on? By the time I’ve turned it on, the music began to play and everyone stood up, leaving me in the dust. And they’re doing chants too, what is this? Just as I thought, this really wasn’t for me. Maybe if I slide out the side, but I foolishly chose to sit in the middle.

 

Then she begins to sing. And in that moment, I feel like we are all her Flora. Entranced by her choice of song, one of her painful, arduous journey just to find the audience she loves so much. An interpretation where the audience and her are one, and the goddesses themselves are smiling down on them. A... an epilogue to Seisho’s  _ Starlight _ . She was certainly there. There’s no other explanation to how well this works with the second interpretation.

 

Our eyes meet as she moves into the bridge, and her hands outstretch to me. My face goes bright red.

 

Oh, my.

 

She really hasn’t lost her touch.


	5. Lost and Found Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mahiru is a disaster part two.

I could have sworn that last song was for me as well. A ballad like number to touch on the innocence of school life and singing side-by-side. There was no way that wasn’t about her time at Seisho. The stinging of her song’s parallels to her decision to drop out, the idea of not having been ready to be in that kind of environment… It was clear as day to me, if only because I was one of 29 others who could have felt and understood her pain. The single trailing tear of melancholy that I shed was also one of relief, that she was definitely alright with what had happened, now that she’s found her own calling.

 

By the time that I had gotten over the beauty of her last song, the room had emptied and in the next room was her meet and greet session. Of course, I would be last in line; but it was that beauty that I was enraptured by. I wanted more of it, to hear more of her songs… and see more of her on stage. I wanted to know why she quit. More importantly:

 

I want to know why she never said goodbye.

 

So here I am, waiting in line with what was a rather odd mix of sweat and adrenaline. Everyone else in the room smelled the same way, but, what should have been rather off-putting and sour was actually euphoric. That we all felt the same way about that performance, and that our hearts were one. That was the kind of thing that I aspired to do with my acting. And to see it done in such a short time, too, was impressive. Not to talk about the other parts as well, the direction was good, but… even if it wasn’t, like the way Nana-chan united her classmates, it would have been good too.

 

As the line grew shorter and shorter, my own anxiety began bubbling up again. Of course, I didn’t want to make a scene. But my selfish desires would not be repressed again, and I felt more than anything, that I deserved to know. I thought over, and over, and over again, about how I would play this out.

 

Maybe I would be the damsel who has met her prince after all this time. Cry a little and ask where she had gone, what she was doing, but, in the end, be in her arms and be reassured it was all okay.

 

No, no, no, that’s too far, let’s not think about that!

 

Okay, so, perhaps I can go a little more assertive and just demand it straight out. She’d be a little spooked out by that but she’d understand and ask all the staff to leave. We share a tender moment and-

 

STOP, STOP, STOP!!! What am I doing, that isn’t how I want this to work out, either! And why do we have to be hugging at the end of this? Okay, let’s just adlib this and forget about planning out an interaction. She’s just a high school girl. Just like you, Mahiru! So why do I feel so anxious? Where is this coming from?

 

Why am I so angry?

 

I reach the front of the line, and there she is. She’s still in that beautiful blue dress and chatting the ear off the person in front of her. In a way, that’s just like her, as I remembered how easy it was for her to make friends with everyone else. In another, it’s weird to see her in anything other than a Seisho uniform. And memories come back, flooding in, whether it was the first day that Karen was sick and I had to find a new partner for stretches. Or when we decided to make lunches for each other. In that short time, we got really close.

 

Ah. I see now. Another little bit of selfishness. It wasn’t that she left, especially seeing now, that she’s incredibly happy. It’s that she left without asking me how I felt about her leaving. The old me would have just rationalized it as me being useless or not very fun to be around. Now, it just raises more and more questions.

 

But it’s something that I will put aside for now. It’s Osaka-san’s moment. I’ll be graceful for now.

 

Shizuku brushes her hair aside and takes a sip of her water before looking up to see who was her last guest. “You’re the last one, huh-Mahiru-chan? You came? How did you know I was here?” Her remembering me makes me happy, at least.

 

“Yeah, I was just wondering how you were and a friend who really likes idols showed me that you were here now.” That MIGHT HAVE BEEN a little bit of a lie, but I’m sure Jagahiru-sama will forgive me for it. “Anyways, I saw your performance. It was moving.”

 

“And I, yours! You REALLY got better since the first year and it was really interesting to see you guys put on a happier version of Starlight. Though I wasn’t sure how I felt about a tragedy being turned into a story of perseverance and love prevailing throughout even the odds of the galaxy, it was riveting! I didn’t know Karen-chan could act like that!” Suddenly, the meet-and-greet reversed, and it was as if I was the one being grilled.

 

“Ahaha, I know, it was weird seeing Karen-chan be so motivated. But back to you, did you write that song all on your own? I thought it would have made a great epilogue song if we were putting on a more broadway-style musical!”

 

“I know, that’s what I was kind of going for. Takarazuka theatre is wide and varied, and I thought it could have added a different colour and aided in the happier Starlight you were aiming to perform.” Even now, Osaka-san is still thinking about Seisho’s performances and how they could be better. A true Stage GIrl...

 

“Were you shocked to see Maya not be the lead?” I would have been!

 

“A little, but she takes what roles she can get. You do know she doesn’t play leads all the time, right?”

 

“Uh… ehehe…” I scratch my head and she just sighs at me like a mother would a child.

 

“At least that part hasn’t changed… you know, you’re a great actor yourself, it could have been you as Claire.”

 

“I-It couldn’t possibly be me! I’m at my best when I help others shine. At least, that’s what I’ve learned over this year… everyone is so dear to me and when they shine, I think I shine best too. But… again, enough about me, are you liking the new school?” Shizuku nods and stretches, motioning for me to follow her.

 

“I’m enjoying the more relaxed atmosphere. It made me realize that acting wasn’t just about pushing and fighting, but also about having fun and playing the roles you like. And the whole school idol thing kind of freed me from having to do one thing - I’m allowed to write my own songs and dictate my own pace.” Shizuku then spins and faces me, “I’m sure you know the feeling.”

 

“I don’t.”

 

“Eh?”  This comes as a shock to her, but I feel it needs to be said.

 

“I… I like being in a big group with everyone. Supporting them and seeing them grow? That makes me happiest. Being on stage and having a unique view of the play, as if I’m living it? Makes me feel alive. While I can see what you see in being an idol, the crowds, the feeling of being together with your fans as one, I wouldn’t become an idol even if promised all the riches in the world. I am a stage girl. Through and through. And I love it.” For a moment, we stop in the hall, and I look out the window in absolute ecstasy. Was that my first monologue? Did I sound cool doing it? Was my projection good?

 

“You’re so… so… so awesome, Mahiru-chan… you really grew in the past couple of years, huh?” Shizuku beams and takes my hand, “Did you want to meet the rest of my friends?”

 

“Eh? I-I really should go to my other friend but… I think she’ll be fine.”

 

**[OMAKE: She was not fine]**

 

YES! I’m at the front of the line! Now that Tsuyuzaki-san has left, I can show off the true extent of my devotion to Saint Snow, even after the younger Kazuno-san graduated a year ago. Do I have my kingblades? Can they see my Leah shirt? Maybe I should have gone with the snowflake hair scrunchie today. But they’re so coooooool! And it helps that the original duo were so devoted to fighting hard and learning too. It wasn’t a game to them and it showed.

 

Thankfully, my strategy worked and I was able to get some incredible seats. I’m at the very front corner, right where the auditorium splits in two and with the best view of the idols. Of course, a little bit of luck had to be thanked as well, that I was able to cut through the yard to get to the front of the line (though my bandaged legs will hate me for it later) was a blessing itself.

 

“GOOD MORNING, SNOWFLAKES, ARE YOU ALL EXCITED?” I certainly was as the entire theatre exploded with a lack of self control for SELF CONTROL!!!

 

\--Two Hours Later--

 

Ahhh, that was great.. The VIP tickets were well worth securing as I and a few others were ushered into a meet and greet room, and now I’m going to get to meet my favourite idols. I used to curse myself for being born too late to see the original Saint Snow, but this all makes up for it!

 

They all come out and… I have to squint my eyes a little. Leah-san looks very familiar to me. Almost as if we’re connected somehow. I’m sure that we’ve never met before. But… something weird is afoot. And I’m sure she feels the same, as we looked at each other from across the room and were both actually confused. Sarah-san actually notices this as well and waves kindly before whispering to her little sister.

 

Even when I go up to shake her hand, there’s this odd tension. Not borne out of anything you’d see in anime or manga… no, in fact, this had to be a real-life thing. No two people could be so inexplicably connected. She and I had a conversation about our oddly similar favourite food, drink, choice in clothes, habits when practicing, even our superstitions, everything.

 

Was… was she me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been blocked for a while - good thing I wrote a lot before and haven't promised anyone this would be done last month. Nope. Ehehe.


	6. A Whole New World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shizuku has Mahiru meet the girls who dragged her out of the dark and into the light. Oh, and Mahiru malfunctions. Again.

It takes us only a few minutes to get to a small set of changing rooms behind the auditorium, though it felt like a much longer time - we filled it with reminiscing of our younger days. Or, in my case, just nodding while Shizuku tells me about the entire year and a bit that had happened after her dropping out. I always was a better listener, and besides, my past year wasn’t too eventful. Clean up after Karen. Clean up after Hikari. Make sure Karen doesn’t fall asleep at her desk translating Starlight. Maybe I’ll talk with Nana about cooking tips here and there. But otherwise, my life is dull and uninteresting.

Shizuku’s life seems like it’s sprung to life after meeting her two senpai. It’s actually kind of a foreign concept to me after these years at Seisho, but being like their little sister did seem to give her some direction. And apparently she had actually taken a year off after dropping out. Says she did some really interesting stuff in that year, going to London, New York, plenty of dangerous places!

“That actually kind of sounds like Hikari-chan… though she apparently left really young to go study in London.”

“Huh, no kidding?!? I actually saw a play that had a Hikari in it - if I remember, it was MacBeth.” That seemed consistent with what I had heard from Hikari-chan about London… small, small world! “It seemed like the main antagonist didn’t really have her heart in it which was quite a shame. Technically, she was quite good!” Ahaha, maybe it’s best she doesn’t know about the giraffe.

“She might be technically good but she is a disaster - you should see how bad her room is.” Well, by extension, it was my room too, but this isn’t important. “She leaves everything EVERYWHERE, strewn out like… you remember that lunch where Karen spilled her spaghetti and we had to clean the couch? That!” It was harrowing to think about all the tomato sauce!

“Ah, some things really don’t change… I’m glad that you’re still that busybody that I’ve grown to miss, Mahiru.” For a while, we just walk on in silence...

Eh?

EH?

“Y-YOU MISSED ME?” That wasn’t possible! How is it even remotely a thing that I was missed by this amazing person? “I-I didn’t really do all that much for you, and besides, I didn’t do nearly enough if you left the school, and besides, I’m not all that flashy and kind of stutter a lot and-”

Shizuku puts a finger to my lips and hushes me, “you know, you tend to open up and talk a lot when you’re berating yourself… it’s one of the few things I don’t like about you.” My tomato-red face only got redder as the not-so-cryptic message was dropped - did she actually… no, that wasn’t possible either. There was no way. I have to push that out of my head, as we both enter what is a dressing room… and a rather large one at that.

“Sorry about the commotion, this is a shared dressing room so we actually have to share this with some of the other groups… it doesn’t help that we’re also sharing it with some of the alumni.” Off to the right, it seemed like there was a little bit of a kerfuffle already, crowding a rather blushy red-head, and it really kind of spoke to how big idols who were still in school were. The reverence of some of the older idols… was actually quite scary, given similar crowds all over.

“Ara, ara~, did our little Shizuku bring in a cute fish?” A rather busty bluenette slinks up behind us and slings her arms around my shoulders from behind, which spooks me a little bit, jumping up with my hair frizzing out. “Oh, my, your hair is quite active, isn’t it? Almost like it’s got a mind of its own.” She pokes one of my ‘antennae’ and sighs happily, like she had just learned the secrets of the universe. “Do you like to bring out your wild side?” She spins me around and cups my chin in her hand...

It is determined, I DO NOT LIKE TO BRING OUT MY WILD SIDE. I back out quickly out of her arms and bang my head on the wall, wincing in pain. “Look what you did, Karin-chan,” a foreigner says, shaking her head in disapproval. “It’s not good to scare people like that.” With a little concern, she grabs the first aid kit and comes up to me, checking the back of my head for injuries, which brings over some other colourful characters. One with a board for a face, in particular, and one that seems to be sliding bread into Shizuku’s shoes, only to see a gyaru take the offending dinner rolls out and pop over to see what the commotion was about, leaving the rolls on the table.

“Karin-senpai, you did a number on her… Riko-san’s going to love this pic!” Said gyaru is mashing her smartphone like a demon, brushing her blonde locks over to one side. “And sent. Sorry about that, new girl, gotta make sure a friend gets the good stuff. I’m Miyashita Ai, Karin’s our voluptuous onee-chan type idol, we all sort of have a schtick. Mine is… sticking to my schtick!” An eerie silence comes over the room…

“So bad puns.” Karin pouts and promptly hops over to Ai, draping herself over the younger girl’s shoulders. “Ahhh, I’m so sleepy… not like Kanata-chan, but definitely tired.” This was one long event, and these girls, students at the school, probably were helping out in between their own sets. “Anyways, who’s this cute fish, and how’d you catch her?” Karin points to me as Shizuku chuckles and scratches the back of her head.

“We’re friends from the school I attended before I came to Nijigasaki… Seisho Academy.” One of the girls lights up at that mention and storms to the front of the little group.

“Seisho Academy? THE Seisho? The one that put on that fantastic Starlight that Shizuku-chan took me to?” The decidedly idol-looking girl looked me up and down… Actively studying me, even. “Ah! You’re the Goddess of Jealousy! Tsuyuzaki Mahiru, it’s a privilege! I am Yuki Setsuna, one of the idols here.” Her silk-covered hands grab mine and begin to shake them vigorously.

“A-Ah, I didn’t know that y-you actually knew who I would b-be, th-this is a shock…” I was still processing it all, it did seem like Seisho was really well known. “I-I’m pleased you l-liked it that much.”

“Well, I didn’t get a lot of it, I had to have Shizuku explain it all to me.” Setsuna sticks her tongue out and raps her knuckles on her head. Nursing the growing lump on my head, I giggle a little for the first time today. “But I loved how pretty the outfits were!” I look to Shizuku and she just sighs, seems like this was one of those kinds of girls. Impressive-looking on the outside, but kind of lacking in academic-smarts.

Shizuku takes my hand and stands me up before dusting my uniform off. “I just wanted you to meet my friends… they’re all my ‘rivals’, in a sense, but we all work together sometimes, too! Kind of like being on stage but… different.” I notice a little blush on her cheeks and the bread-stuffer popped out from behind Shizuku.

“Fuehehehe, look at you embarrassed all by yourself, and you’re always so long-winded and boring in class!” A shriek comes from Shizuku as she hops up onto a chair.

“Kasumi-chaaaan, what have we told you about putting ice cubes down someone’s shirt?” The foreigner picks up Kasumi easily and pets her head to calm her down… kind of like how you would pet a cat.  
“Not to.” And like a cat, she actually rubs into the scritches.

“Good girl… by the way, I hope you’re alright. My name is Emma Verde, I am from Switzerland if you are wondering.” I certainly was. “So you used to be in class with Shizuku-chan in middle school?”

“U-Uh, it was high school, actually…” I end up nodding along with this. “Oh, is Ayumu-san still working at the booth?”

Emma rolls her eyes. “She probably is, I’ll go free her from her work. I swear, that girl...” And off she goes.

“So you’re leading a busy life now…” I look at Shizuku with a little bit of a weary gaze, this was just too much for me, as Karin looks over, wiggles her eyebrows at me and gets everyone to go do something else. That girl, if it wasn’t either Karen or Hikari, was going to be the death of me. Gosh, were there a lot of characters.

“Not as busy as yours, I’d wager, after all, you’re still dealing with that blue devil, aren’t you?” This… is true. Very true.

“A lazy blue devil, but you’re not wrong. The other day she actually asked Futaba-chan to make the blizzard go away. Guess how that went.” Both of us laugh at this, as we continue to talk about our new lives. I talk about the summer break back home tending to the potatoes, and she talks about her newfound appreciation for getting breadcrumbs out of shoes. I mention the whole Hikari thing, and she talks about the moment she was giving Rina some facial exercises, which, apparently, didn’t work. Minutes turn into hours, and soon, we are at the front hall and I feel like I don’t want to leave.

“Mahiru… this was great. Catching up with you felt like I could finally face my past a little.” Oh, you have no idea how much past I was facing.

“M-Me too. I hope… we can see each other again.” I scratch my cheek, blushing lightly as I try to get Karin’s wiggling eyebrows out of my mind.

“Hmm, how does this upcoming Friday sound? There’s a play I want to see and I don’t feel like spending half of my time explaining to Setsuna what a soliloquy is. Six PM? We’ll go to dinner beforehand.”

“That sounds good, I’ll see you then!”

“Alright, goodbye for now.” And with that, I leave out the door as she waves and spend a minute walking.

Did she just ask me out?

Huh?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finished the rough first draft - I just love Mahiru so much that before Suzu she needed someone to love. And this was a convenient outlet.


	7. PANIC PANIC PANIC OH NO!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mahiru is a disaster.

It’s been a few days since I went with Junna-chan to the thing with the idols in school. She tells me to stop using idols in school but that isn’t the point (and neither was the fact that she had come home with bandages on her knees, a bag full of Jagahiru knows what, and a dumb, perplexed look on her face), the point is that I GOT ASKED OUT ON A DATE AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO. And today was the day before and I’m still so lost that I asked Karen-chan, of all people, what to do! Ohhhh, that was a bad idea! Before long, she had told Hikari-chan who had shared it with Futaba, and of course, if Futaba knows, Kaoruko knows and soon the whole house knew about my dilemma and had called a meeting for this! I could die of embarrassment. I will need to figure out who will take care of my pet bunny, JagaUsa, and write my will. I’m giving all my stuff to Mom, she can hide my diaries better than anyone else can.

 

Junna had taken the liberty of clearing everyone’s calendar this Thursday (which was, coincidentally, a day where we didn’t have any form of practice and a day where the teacher was sick all day so there was nothing to do. Very suspicious.) so we could go to the mall to update what Kaoruko called a wardrobe ‘so boring even your grandmother wouldn’t be caught seen in your clothes’. My Grandma picked out all my clothes, thank you very much!

 

As well, Hikari-chan said I needed to learn how ‘not to spaghetti’, if that makes any sense. Spaghetti is a noun, not a verb! Karen-chan wanted to teach me some new lingo to make me ‘fresh and hip’, even though I know that terminology hasn’t been used in at least twenty years. Even Maya was insisting on helping ‘make me feel less nervous around women’. What? I can speak with women just fine… Why does everyone I know have to be so ludicrous when it comes to these kinds of things?

 

In any case, now we had met up around 4-ish to go over (one last time) the plan of attack. We were supposed to start with clothes which Nana and Kaoruko would help with, then go have dinner so Maya and Hikari can help me with my conversation skills, and end off with a romantic comedy so I could ‘understand love’. I-It’s not like I don’t understand!

 

“So, that settles getting to the clothes place,” Junna says, nodding to Kaoruko who was on the phone and sounded like she was scheduling something with someone. “Who’s made the reservations?” Maya raises her hand as she sips on her tea. I look around nervously as Junna then moves on to Hikari, who seems to have written some flash cards with crudely drawn spaghetti on the back. Oh, yeah. That wasn’t making me more nervous about this at all! Karen taps my shoulder and leans in to whisper something…

 

“This is a little much but I’m glad we can do something for you for a change.” Karen giggles and smiles as I look back at her, normally, I might appreciate this. Today, however, it just adds on to this buffet of embarrassment. Karen-chan, why do you have to be so wholesome at this time? Kaoruko then points to the door, it appeared like whatever transportation she had arranged for us had arrived. “I CALL SHOTGUN!”

 

“Karen-chan, you can’t just call shotgun like that!” I’m still playing babysitter even when the trip is all for me, it seems. “Karen-chaaaaan!” I chase her out the door as I experience, first hand, just how bourgeoisie Kaoruko really was. I look at her with more than a little bit of worry, my antennae beginning to twitch again. How much did this cost? Why did she order a limo of all things?

 

Futaba just sighs and pats Karen’s head, obviously distraught at being unable to get her beloved shotgun. I appreciate not being the one to have to watch over anyone today, as I step into this car that is about three car widths too long for me. Maya helps Claudine get into the limo before getting in herself, as was expected, while Junna and Nana just slip in together. Kaoruko hasn’t got in yet but only because she was talking with the driver up front… that and she wanted Futaba to princess-carry her. When she realized that wasn’t happening, she made her way over like a snake to grab Futaba’s shirt sleeve, tugging it and frowning. It seemed like she was whining, from what I could see, but she insisted that she was just putting Futaba in her place.

 

With everyone in, we finally left and took what was a very long ride to the mall, with everyone talking about what they thought I would look best in for a ‘movie’ date. Well, a theatre date but this isn’t my forte. “U-Uh, Y-You didn’t all really have to… do this… especially the limo, I’m sure we could have done publ-”

 

“NO. NO PUBLIC TRANSIT.” Kaoruko pales and frowns, as if a great trauma had returned to her, “Those things don’t accept cards, and I have no interest in sitting on some grimy seat! Not to mention the people, ugh, the people.” I look at Futaba, who just scratches her neck.

 

“She’s just had… bad experiences, let’s say, with the outer world. And cats. And dogs. And pretty much everything.” Futaba snickers as Kaoruko leans on her shoulder. I can’t help but laugh, it’s such an odd relationship! “But that’s not the biggest problem she has.” Poking the cheek, Kaoruko decides to get a little feisty and lick on that finger, causing them to start fighting in the car.

 

As such, they go on and on and on the entire trip. Which means that the rest of us have to sit there and hear them bicker and argue. At least, some of us do, Karen-chan is already asleep with Hikari-chan brushing her hair. Nana’s still apologizing for calling Junna’s attempts at cooking cute and… well… I don’t even want to talk about whatever it is Claudine and Maya are doing. I spend my time, of course, rolling down the tinted window a little bit to get some fresh air. It hits me that, while everyone else is off in their own worlds, I don’t really have anyone else in mine. A little bit of a downer for me as I look at the entire limousine of star-crossed Floras and Claires.

 

It was the fourth little moan of ‘Maya’ from Claudine that made me want to tear my hair out and scream, but that would only result in more embarrassment. Thankfully, we finally get to the mall and everyone finally notices that the car has come to a complete stop when I open the door. Kaoruko finally wakes up… and promptly takes my hand.

 

“We’ll make a maiden out of you yet, my dear frumpy Mahiru.” Frumpy? I don’t think I’m FRUMPY, I’m more… conservative. We’ll go with that. But Kaoruko, for a change, seems actually animated and inspired to do something, as she pulls me towards a rather fancy clothing shop, which I can already tell is way out of my budget.

 

“U-Um, let’s see, if I give up buying grocerie-”

 

“Non, non, da yo! Let Kaoruko’s magic black card do the work!” Karen and Kaoruko both raise their fists at the same time in celebration as I can only watch both of them race off to pick out clothes. I look at Futaba with a tired look as she leers at my proportions. Not her, too! In fact, it seems like they’ve all turned this into a competition… why did I agree to let them do this, again?

 

Every single time I pick something out, it always seems Kaoruko is there to talk about my choices… always as a ‘bad decision’, it seems. I thought there was a good, cute, modern top, and she tells me that it was in vogue two seasons ago, not to mention that she said that ‘orange is a disgusting colour’. How am I supposed to know this, am I supposed to read the minds of millennials these days? She instead shoves a piece of fabric in my arms. That’s all I can say about this… what.. What is this piece of clothing supposed to be? It’s so thin and-

 

“I’m not wearing this, Kaoruko-chan.”

 

“B-But why, Mahiru-han? It’s perfectly seductive and-”

 

“NO.”

 

“Come on, she’ll totally love it, whoever she is, and you’ll take advantage of those wide hips-”

 

I look at Kaoruko in a way that I don’t think even I thought I was capable of. Was she calling me fat? I SINCERELY hope she was not calling me fat. “O-Okay, Mahiru-han, l-let’s calm down, I understan-FUTABA-HAAAAN!” That… that was oddly satisfying, watching Kaoruko run away like a chicken with its head cut off. Futaba was concerned as she stepped over, but saw the offending garment in her arms and immediately rolled her eyes in disgust. She had actually had some clothes in hand as well, something that looked a little too much like a pair of booty shorts and a short top. Just thinking about wearing that makes my face turn red, why did I think either of these two knew what a good outfit for a play was?

 

In fact, I don’t see why I asked anyone in the first place as Maya was just battling with Claudine with increasingly gaudy outfits that were better for a play set in the Feudal Era, Karen-chan and Hikari-chan picking out what appeared to be sleepwear which, admittedly, did look pretty good (was my sleepwear boring?) but worked better for a sleepover rather than an actual date, and Nana and Junna… well, were arguing. “Tsuyuzaki-san, can you please come over here?” Oh, here we go.

 

Junna was holding out what appeared to be a… suit. To be quite fair, it was a rather good looking suit, with a daringly long coat-tail and some tight dress pants. It was also accompanied with an equally dashing tie and even had an optional top-hat.

 

I was not going to wear the top hat. That being said… I do think that the image change is pretty good. It would certainly help me look a certain part if Shizuku’s going with a dress like I think she will. And of course, it was rather tasteful and didn’t threaten to do anything too… too shameless.

 

“Th-that’s actually a pretty good cho-choice-”

 

Nana shook her head and her bunches bounced up and down as she did so. “W-Wait, but you haven’t even seen my choice?” And then Nana holds up a dark green dress, nice and flowy, but not too flowy as to be cumbersome. Kind of what Maya and Claudine were gong for, but not quite as extravagant and explosive. I noticed a pair of silk white gloves, and… what appeared to be a tiara and suddenly narrowed my eyes a bit. This looked suspiciously like a frog-princess sort of thing, but with Nana’s disarming smile, I don’t really have much time to think about it while I imagine it on me. It’s my kind of colour and, barring the tiara, it would look really good on me.

 

“Okay, a-and I have to choose?” Uuuuuu, this isn’t my kind of thing, choosing always meant letting someone down. And I’m not the greatest with rejections! I go back and forth, looking and trying to judge each of the options before Maya and Claudine spot me looking at choices. Knowing them, they looked at each other, nodded, and then ran up at me, shoving their choices in my face. I could already tell they were way too much for me, but I just tried to push them off, which only causes everyone else to crowd me as it seems I attract girls when I’m distressed.

 

Seeing everyone crowd around and fawn over me is an odd feeling… it feels kind of nice. Being the little sister is a good feeling, at least, that’s what I’ve experienced so far. Where everyone has their attention on me for once. But I suppose that a stage girl has those moments all the time. Their time to shine. I bubble up in glee and begin giggling, almost maniacally. Though I couldn’t make out what their reactions were, I could see Karen panic a little from out of the corner of my eye and her hiding behind Hikari. Maya stepped forward almost as if to protect Claudine from a demon, and Kaoruko… was still hiding behind a rack of clothes. Junna and Nana both just laugh at each other and shake their heads.

 

“Feeling better, Mahiru-chan?” Nana smiles and gives me a thumbs up… but still tries to push her choice onto me as she edges closer. Junna frowns and pushes forward as well, as does everyone else after realizing my laughter wasn’t because I was about to snap.. And the rest of the night is just the same as this - chaos and, at the end of the day, laughter.

 

Sometimes, I feel like I’m alone, drifting away from everyone.

 

But other times, they remind me that they are my lighthouse, not the sirens who drag me into the deep.

 

**OMAKE: WHAT DID I DOOOOOO?**

 

Oh, gosh, this was quite the mess I’ve gotten myself into!

 

I didn’t mean to make such a mess of it - after all, I just wanted to invite an old friend out to dinner and a play. It was only while I was walking back to my dorm that I realized that it sounded an awful lot like a date. I mean, it wasn’t even a big deal in my mind, but I suppose this is what happens when you have a nosy senpai who likes to meddle in everything when it comes to dating, rivals who spy on your every move, and a best friend who can’t keep a secret.

 

Now, I’m sitting in the common rooms with my peers listening to them go on and on about how I should woo Mahiru to fall hopelessly in love with me. It started with Karin’s eyebrow wiggles.

 

In hindsight, these eyebrow wiggles are dangerous.

 

_ “Oh, my dear little Shizuku-chan, is your girlfriend doing well? Did you catch the cute fish?” That cat-like grin was actually quite scary, as if she knew something I didn’t. _

 

_ “She’s not my girlfriend. And for your information, she is well, I invited her to see a play this Friday.” _

 

That was my fault for divulging this information. And now, I am paying for it by watching Karin and Ai ‘roleplay’ the perfect date. And by roleplay, I mean that they started with giving me one nugget of helpful advice and then got to telling each other how much they LOVE one another. Much like a romantic comedy except it’s saccharin and cloyingly disgusting.

 

To my right, I have Rina telling me how ‘awesome’ it is to have a crush and how she wishes she could have one. I pet her head and smile, telling her that she’ll find someone one day (and reiterate that Mahiru-chan is  _ not _ my girlfriend). Kasumi, however, has apparently learned the eyebrow wiggle from Karin and slides over.

 

“So, is this true love that you’ve found? Your Juliet, huuuuh?”

 

“Excuse me, she would be Romeo. Her strength of character and her determination in the face of adversity is something to be admired - oh.” My cheeks go a tint of red.

 

“This d-doesn’t mean that I like her or anything, it’s that she is a great actress and would appreciate the play that I’d take her to!”

 

Setsuna slinks up to me and pouts. “Does this mean that I won’t get to come to any more plays?” I just pinch the bridge of my nose.

 

I regret everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your readership so far! I'd like to thank the Revue Starlight Discord for putting up with my constant need for validation and helping me catch my mistakes. I'm finished the fanfic now but I'll continue to tweak and make it better!


	8. High off of Love/Drunk off of Hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What goes up can easily come down. That's just gravity.

Finally, Friday comes along and along with it comes a ton of anxiety. I’m a bundle of nerves, even after Maya’s last-minute coaching in the ‘art of suave’. Against Nana’s wishes, I actually chose the tuxedo, though I am second-questioning my decision as of now, fidgeting with my green tie. I grimace as I look myself up and down, was this coat too long? Is my makeup weird? Was a green tie right or should I have gone with Claudine’s suggestion of a dark blue? Was the suit even a good idea? Maybe the dress would have been better.

 

Uuuuuuu, this was a mistake, I shouldn’t be doing this, I have her number, maybe I should cancel and-

 

“Mahiru. A word, please?” It was… Hikari. She gripped my shoulder and punched me lightly in the shoulder, like I was her star slugger at Koshien. “You’ll be fine. I’m sure of it, you deserve this. You spent all this time thinking about what to do for her, you got this beautiful box of chocolates for her, you even promised to make Kaoruko a four course dinner in order to pay for the clothes. You got this.”

 

“I… I deserve this, yeah.” That was oddly reassuring of her-

 

“Please remember not to spaghetti.” There we go.

 

And it’s not just Hikari. Karen quickly tackles me like a runner sliding into the catcher at home, and she excitedly spews how happy she is for me and that she’s rooting for me and that I need to do up my bow tie and-

 

“K-KAREN-CHAN!”

 

That was awkward, oh, I must’ve loosened it in my panic! Maya, clever as ever, covered for me. Bless every single person here. I look back as I timidly go forward. Four perfect couples and me, one lonely country bumpkin who only knows potatoes.

 

Not anymore. I’ve decided I’ll get what I’m looking for.

 

I get in another limousine (this one, thankfully, just a towncar because otherwise I might have died of embarrassment arriving in such a fancy car) and I’m off to see Shizuku-chan. My heart’s thumping and beating almost out of my chest - if I wasn’t going to die of my heart leaping out of my body, it might have been my short breath, close to hyperventilation, and the lack of fresh air in the car. I was seriously going to do this…

 

But this was the same feeling I had every single time a show was about to go on. And as they say, the show must go on. I’ve come so far now, and as the car pulls up to the housing nearby the Nijigasaki campus, I prepare my best looking face - eyebrows up, cheeks up, lips up, as Maya said, to convey confidence and power. But in the face of Shizuku’s glimmering blue gown in the night, I have a feeling my promise to not spaghetti was quickly going to die out.

 

It wasn’t too snowy tonight, but with the way Shizuku looked, she could bring about a storm that would rival the deep freeze of the snow age. Her hair was done up in a gorgeous ponytail, with her standard ribbon in a beautiful silver compared to her usual red. The gown she chose was a subdued blue with a similarly gorgeous and captivating silver sash hugging Shizuku’s waist. While I was rather tall to begin with, when I stepped out, I could tell that she stood above me… what were those, three inch heels? Four? They just made her look so much more elegant than she already was. The glittering of her dress dazzled and amazed like the stars of the night, and in comparison, I wouldn’t have hesitate to say that even Maya would be awed at this sight.

 

“I guess you like it, huh? You’ve been staring for a minute now…” Shizuku catches me looking and I immediately flush and begin flustering and floundering.

 

“Uuuu, I-I didn’t mean to!” Sorry, Hikari-chan.

 

“It’s okay, I have Karin-san to thank for the makeup today… and the wardrobe advice.” She scratches her cheek and I giggle a little. “You’re also looking dashing today, I do like your decision to go with that look.”

 

I scratch the nape of my neck, knowing how much help I needed to look even somewhat presentable. I really was a disaster. “L-let’s just say it was all me so I don’t feel too bad.” I take her hand and smile with those tips, making Shizuku smile along with me. “There’s a little spot nearby that does some great French cuisine, I think you’ll like it.”

 

In my purse was a little black card. I had to say I’d cook a fifth course to get it.

 

Our small-talk in the car livened up the little space that we had, getting to the restaurant in no time at all (even though it was about 20 minutes away, even in the car). We had an entire year to catch up on even with what we were talking about the other day. Her regaling tales about Big Ben and the unfolding drama of the Premier League… no, not the soccer, but the transfer sagas. “Men are really petty when you give them millions of dollars to play a sport - but it makes it so worth watching!”

 

“I mean… they’re just looking out for themselves, aren’t they?” I lean against the door as the car comes to a stop and I prepare to help Shizuku out.”

 

“But that’s what makes it so compelling! The struggle between a man making a career out of sport and the team that relies on its players to achieve a goal. How romantic!”

 

“That’s a weird definition of romance, Shizuku-chan.”

 

“Oh, just Shizuku is fine, no need to be so formal. After all, this is a date, isn’t it?” I might be the one in the suit, but she’s definitely more suave than I am. I flush red and nod as I help her out of the car, making sure she doesn’t trip over the curb. It occurs to me that the way I’m hovering over her is actually very similar to the way Maya protects Kuro-chan whenever they’re out and about. Kind of like a knight protecting a princess.

 

“Then Shizuku, I hope you enjoy tonight.”

 

Dinner was more fancy and more than a five year old could dream of when it came to this kind of thing. There was certainly a pianist (a red-head, if I can recall) playing beautiful classical pieces in one corner of the ornate marble flooring. Providing light to the room was a huge chandelier, crystals glistening like Shizuku’s dress. Each table had a bunch of flowers at them, and instead of there being a choice of food, there was just a small card that said what we were having that day. My brothers and sisters would hate this place.

 

Over the meal, the time passes by like a fastball past the radar gun. I can barely remember the taste of the cream in the pommes de terre au gratin, nor do I recall the bourgignon that warmed us as the night went on and the storm got worse outside. I do, however, remember that the salad was quite nice. It also happened to be when Shizuku was slowing down a little - oh, no, I forgot that she was a light eater! Uuuuuu, I can’t believe I forgot such an important detail!

 

“A-Are you sure you’re alright to go to the play after, you’re looking a little sleepy and-”

 

“Oh, I will be fine, Mahiru! You needn’t worry about me.” If I wasn’t in the tuxedo, I swear people would think I was the damsel in distress type. I pull on the collar of my shirt, gulping and trying not to die of overheating due to the crimson embarrassment creeping up my face. But still, as we continue to enjoy each other’s company, I feel less and less nervous, and even begin to enjoy myself through my inability to speak coherent sentences, allowing her to continue her stories.

 

As I’m swept up in stories of Broadway, I take a moment to look at my phone as we’re finishing a rather decadent chocolate cake, which she absolutely demolished before I had gotten halfway, and squeak a little. “We’re almost out of time!” I raised my hand to get the waitress and hurriedly paid before looking at Shizuku. And then looking at Shizuku looking at the rest of my cake… “Yes, you can have the rest.”

 

Even in my panic to call the driver, her look of elation made my entire night as she wolfed down the entire thing in less than thirty seconds.Just like my siblings when they eat my leftover sweets.

 

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

 

The play we decided on going to was a retelling of  _ Julius Caesar _ . Shakespeare. Very classic, and also very forgotten. A tale of the power of the spoken word - very interesting for a woman of the stage. Every minute of it is dedicated to that concept, that words are weapons.

 

But for me, this was a reminder of how strong a bond can break so easily. Shizuku’s enthralled glance should fill me with joy and happiness. But I know deep down in me that it only urges me forward to ask why. Why?

 

“Well, Brutus feels his duty is to the state, and-”

 

“No. Not the play.” I whisper to myself, eyes red with dusty tears near the end of the play.

 

“Then…?” Shizuku looks at me confusedly.

 

“Why did you go? Why did you not say anything?” The red had transformed from being crestfallen to being enraged. So unlike me.

 

“I’m sorry?”

 

“You left me.” Shizuku suddenly realizes and opens her eyes wide, not that I notice. I’ve already gotten up to leave and she follows, right out to the bitter cold of the night. Before she can even say a word, I panic and begin to unload on her.

 

“You didn’t even say goodbye to me. How could you throw me away like that?”

 

“I didn’t mean it like that!”

 

“How did you mean it, then?”

 

“I wanted to PROTECT you, Mahiru, I thought you were better than-”

 

“You were my confidante. When Karen didn’t listen to me, you did…”

 

“But Karen was strong enough for both of you, look where you are now-” She stops the moment she says that, knowing she had made a horrid mistake.

 

“Et tu, brute?” That was enough for me. She didn’t even recognize how much I had gone out of my way for her.

 

“Excusez-moi?”

 

“Why? WHY? Twist the knife more, Brutus.” I spat, clearly acting out of anger more than anything. “I can’t… I can’t do this. I’m sorry. This was a mistake.”

 

“No, wait, ple-”

 

“I can’t keep going on knowing that the only person who I thought collapsed under the weight of my uselessness couldn’t spare a thought for the only person that would understand. That even now, I am the damsel in distress to you. Do you know how long I stayed up at night? Being gnawed away at by my own insecurity? And I chose to stand strong and hide how I felt all these months. The feelings of inadequacy, the feelings of bitterness that I would never, EVER stand up to my peers. And…. and you just ran and didn’t spare a thought for me.”

 

“That isn’t how the story goes, Mahiru, let me explain!”

 

“I refuse. It’s clear to me how much I meant to you.” I knew in my mind I was being unreasonable. But… but FUDGEMUFFINS. I can’t begin to describe how hurt I felt in that moment.

 

“Then let me-”

 

“The limo will be here to pick you up. I’m going home.” Right on time. The taxi comes and I get in, driving away in a bath of my own tears.

 

I hate myself more than I love Shizuku.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled a lot writing this chapter if only because I wasn't sure what felt thematically correct for the second half. Hope you enjoyed so far!


	9. Exposed and Burned Out

I spent the next four days in my room, sulking, pretty much.. In class, I kept my head down and felt sorry for myself. At the dorms, I cooked and felt sorry for myself. In my bedroom, I covered myself in my sheets and felt sorry for myself. I didn’t go to practice, instead, I opted to feel sorry for myself and cozy up with my Suzudal Cat. The really big one. That didn’t even bring me the respite from my self-hatred. I wrapped myself up in the knowledge that I threw everything away because I couldn’t contain my pity and my inferiority complex.

 

Making it even more awkward is that Karen and Hikari have temporarily moved out, leaving me even more hateful. That I wasted everyone else’s generosity because of it. Even planning what was supposed to be an extravagant meal for everyone thanks to my promise to Kaoruko didn’t give me any joy. Or get done. I wanted to do nothing but eat ice cream (hand cranked), and watch old baseball dramas. The one with Tom Sellig, Sir Baseball? A great comedy. I’ve seen it fifteen times since this happened.

 

But every single time that I go to sleep (and that’s multiple times a day), I dream of her. That she was the princess of the snow. Perfect and divine in every way. Something that I will never attain ever. Her sweet scent of lavender that night was intoxicating. Her joy, like a snow nymph dancing in the frigid arctic, was uncontainable. Her enjoyment of cake? I’m sure I could make her smile twice as hard with my diabetes inducing sweets.

 

I will never know that joy. I don’t deserve it.

 

“Mahiru-han?”

 

“Kaoruko-chan, go away.”

 

“But it’s important.”

 

“Go. Away.” She seems to have remembered when she called me fat because she skittered away as fast as her Western Winds could take her.

 

I am pathetic. Every time someone tries to show me the light, I decide it’s better to hate myself instead. I deserve this.

 

On my fifth pint of ice cream watching Major Division, I hear Karen-chan shuffling into the room, with another blanket and a Sudzal Cat plush. She lays it at my feet as if she was offering it to me.

 

Every single other time she has done this in the past week, I hissed and shooed her away. I don’t know why I pat the bed and allowed her to cozy up with me.

 

“How are you feeling?” Karen offers me a tissue and I blow out what is a disgusting nose nugget. I can hear my little brothers grading it already.

 

“I hate myself.”

 

“Do you know that I felt the same way?”

 

“Yes. I know everything about you, Karen-chan. That you felt guilty leaving Hikari in there all those months, trapped in her own reverie.” I bitterly spat out those words, as if she didn’t understand me.

 

“W-Wow, that’s mean, Mahiru-chan! But… you’re not wrong. How guilty do you feel right now?”

 

“Why should I be guilty?” I hissed at her.

 

Karen looked at me kindly and offered me a french fry. Poorly cooked. Soggy. A waste of my potatoes.

 

Must be Hikari.

 

I take it and eat it, piping hot and almost burning my hands. It’s the best fry I’ve ever tasted. Compared to all the sweets I’ve baked myself these past five days, some salt was necessary. “Mahiru-chan. Can you look me in the eye and say that was you telling Shizuku-chan that she didn’t value you?”

 

“Y-Y-Ye-” She snatches my face and grapples onto it like a martian.

 

“Mahiru-chan.”

 

“I-.... I-... I hate myself!” And for the eighth time this week, I burst into tears in self-hatred. “She was my kindness, and I shoved her away because I thought she was pitying me!” Warm hands begin to caress my head. I just curl up into Karen’s warm embrace like a young bat to her mother, desperate for body heat.

 

A second pair of hands begin playing with my hair-antennae and I look back. Karen bites her lip.

 

“You know, Charles Shine is pretty much a crack addict now. But his performance as The Wild One was inspired.” Hikari eats her soggy fries and offers me one. I take it and swallow the slightly raw potato. “I… I’m sorry, that was rude of me.”

 

Hikari apologizing? I should have recorded that.

 

“But does she inspire you?” Hikari says to me and I look at her like she’s an absolute idiot.

 

“What kind of stupid question is that?” The answer is yes, as I begin to put my defenses up again.

 

“Does she inspire you? Does she make you happy? Does just her smile inspire you to get up in the morning, night, evening, when you hate yourself, when you love yourself, does she give you the energy to rise above your flaws?” Hikari gets down to my eye level and smiles. “That’s what you’ve been looking for, isn’t it? An answer? Finally being someone’s Top Star?”

 

And I continue looking at her like she needs remedial lessons academically.

 

Then it hits me.

 

“Can I add a sixth course if I have Kaoruko-chan drive me to Nijigasaki right now? I’ve made a huge mistake.”

 

Karen smiles and shakes her head. “She’s been listening this entire time.” A familiar red ribbon peeks out and the worst person to see me like this appears at my doorstep.

 

I ball up into the blankets and hide like a turtle.

 

“I-I’M NOT HOME CAN YOU PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AT THE BEEP? BEEEEEEEEP.”

 

Karen and Hikari giggle and shove Shizuku into the room. Her breathing alone raises my heart rate.

 

I am alone with her for the first time in a week. And I am dropping the most spaghetti I have in my life. I hate that Hikari taught me that term.

 

“I brought you something.” She lays down a Jersey from Jiro Matsuda. Signed. “I won this when I was in New York. Lucky, huh?”

 

“You don’t have to give me th-”

 

“I do. Because…” Shizuku raises the blankets, and reveals that I’m covered in cheese dust, disgustingly dressed in sweatpants and a Suzudal Cat hoodie, and on my seventh pint of vanilla ice cream. I am exposed. Bare for all to see. I try to hide my form, but she simply takes my hands.

 

She giggles and runs a hand through my cheeto-crusted hair. “Even like this, you are my radiance. You are the princess that I will be the heroine to. You’re right. That song is about you.”

 

I whimper and shake my head. “But… But I said all that!”

 

“You did. And did I deserve it?”

 

… I pause and nod. “You did, you… you… you potato-hater!”

 

“Oh, my, now that IS the nastiest thing you’ve ever said to me. I love a good french fry.” She looks down at the bowl of sadness. “Hikari?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You know, this kind of takes me back… remember how disastrous Kaoruko’s first weekend here was, trying to figure out how to use the showerheads?” I wipe my eyes and shake my head. “You were blasted with a bunch of water and I had to help you clean off the soap from your hair.”

 

“Only slightly different… and even then, I-”

 

“But… did I deserve it?... I did. I made you forget that you’re radiant on your own. I took away your independence. I… I didn’t know it at the time, but I took away all your self worth.” Shizuku then takes my spoon and eats some of the ice cream. “You’re a queen of sweets. Did you know that?”

 

“I-I’m not that goo-”

 

“Stop.” Shizuku begins to sniffle a little bit, balling her fists up and gripping my face. “I HATE it when you put yourself down. I HATE your negativity towards yourself. I hate that you think you’re fat. I hate that you think of yourself as inferior to Maya. To Karen. To all the other girls. To me, who is a dropout of this fine school. You are MY light. MY princess. And I will protect you, even it if means saving you from yourself.” I raise my hand to object. 

 

“There will be no refusal today. I will show you how brilliant you are.”

 

She pins me down on the bed and presses her lips to mine. The tension dissipates. Even though I’m sure all she can taste is vanilla and cheddar cheese, she savours every little moment of the night that we are sharing together. I hear the cheers of the crowd as Milly Shae rounds the bases. I can feel her perfume intoxicating me and I begin to reciprocate on the night. It doesn’t sound very good when you add the cheese, but lavender and vanilla are very good together.

 

Our mistakes that we make are only lines in the sand. When we wash them away with how hard we press against each other, every single movement, every single breath, hitched, and every time she calls out my name, these lines get blurred further and further..

 

Until there is nothing but the hardened proof that we made our mark together.

 

That is our White First Love. As hard as a diamond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh, so many song puns. I'm glad it resolved this way though!


	10. The Way We Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The newly anointed couple wake up. Only to be dragged back into the depths of hell by the form of their friends.

And just as we finish, there’s a bit of an afterglow that happens, where we don’t really care about anything but each other’s company.

 

Then I realize that my sweat has mixed in with the cheese powder and screech as I hear a click of the shutter. “K-KARIN-SAN?!?”

 

“Oh, my cute fish. This will be one for the ages!” She looks at her smart phone and begins to tap a little bit. “Ai’s going to love this. And Shizuku-chan, I didn’t know you were such an aggressive fisherman. And such a skilled sushi chef, too, you massaged her  _ very well _ .” My face goes a bright red as Karin slides over, catlike as ever.

 

“You two are suuuuch a good couple. Doing the deed on the first night.” Her wiggling eyebrows conveyed so much smugness in knowing what exactly had happened.

 

Shizuku just blushes, trying to hide her hand.

 

“But. At the end of the day, are you two made up yet? Because I don’t want to deal with day eight of Shizuku reciting Starlight.”

 

More than anything, it validates my thought that she cared about me just as much as I cared about her. “Oh, s-so you were worried about me.”

 

“I-I was just thinking that maybe, just maybe, you were hurt by my actions when I left Seisho academy. Nothing more, nothing less.” Her flushed face is so adorable. And I savour every moment of it, knowing that Karin probably has tons of photos that I can get.

 

“So, are you two going to come down?” She sniffs the air and shakes her head. “On second thought, go shower. She smells like Italy’s mozzarella refrigerators shut down.”

 

After we’re left alone (with another eyebrow wiggle), I just look at Shizuku, who fidgets a little and gulps.

 

“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have been so aggressive.” Her shine was never brighter, apologizing for her apparent… wildness. We’ll call it that.

 

“I-I’m just glad y-you thought I was worth your-”

 

“Please don’t do this again. I JUST monologued about how much I hate you talking down about yourself.” Our propensity to deliver hearty, cheesy monologues to each other warmed me about as much as a walk-off home-run on the bottom of the ninth.

 

“Sorry. I… I didn’t hate it. Though next time I want you to ask.”

 

“Eh?”

 

“You SHOVED yourself on me, how am I going to act?” I push myself up and look down at Shizuku, still on the bed, right into her eyes. “Yes, you smelled delicious but what if I don’t want it next time? You know, if I just want to sleep in bed and eat ice cream with you?”

 

“You’d want to do that with me?” Shizuku points at herself, “I thought you weren’t into such… you know, sappy stuff.”

 

“I’M FROM THE STICKS. You know what we watch all the time? Baseball, anime, and dramas. We’re MADE of sappy stu-” Shizuku laughs at me and I cock my head. “What?”

 

“This is the first time you’ve asserted yourself.”

 

I try to hide the creeping new shade of red on top of the old embarrassment of Karin’s little tease session. “Th-that’s-”

 

“I like a fiery princess… Shall we go freshen up for breakfast?”

 

“Let’s… finally take that shower. I’m disgusting.”

 

Shizuku brushes my hair, only to find the remnant of an entire cheese squiggle tangled within.

 

“Please just throw that a- why did you eat it?” Her face scrunches up as she powers through it.

 

Shizuku shudders before coughing, “I’m not sure… I actually grew up quite poor so I’m not one to waste food.” Another thing we share together.

 

“So, then you remember when Kaoruko and Maya, two terrible cooks, decided to try to figure out who could do better.” My face darkens, as does Shizuku’s.

 

“We will never forget the sacrifice those poor strawberry shortcakes had to live through.”

 

“I’ll never forget the taste. Somehow it became so sour despite them putting in a ton of sugar.” Shizuku shakes her head, as if living through a war memory.

 

“It’s similar to the cheese puff… but… I don’t hate the taste.” Shizuku ponders while I look at her.

 

“How so?” I tilt my head again, my antennae bobbing up and down.

 

“Well… it was clearly a new experience and… somehow the taste reminded me of you…” W-Wait, were these the famous ‘bedroom eyes’ I was told about? I-I’m not ready! But both of us looked at each other… we get closer together… and…

 

“Ahhem. I believe someone told you to go take a shower, Tsuyuzaki-san. Osaka-san.” Junna blushes, seeing Shizuku about to put her hand underneath my bra again. “And quickly. You smell like cheese.”

 

With that, the two of us try to get ourselves presentable and we make our way to the bathhouse… and I can’t help but go back to my reverie while we walk to the baths.

 

Imagine that. I’m now thinking how grateful I am to Shizuku for dropping out instead of being mad that she left me. Because then I might not have thought about her. She would never be an idol. And I wouldn’t love her as much as I do right now.

 

_ fin _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I had struggled a lot with writing such a long fiction piece but it was fun to do. Mahiru deserves the world. Please pull for her when she comes out with a 4 star in ReLive! Also, please play ReLive!


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